A letter to a loved one in a toxic relationship

Dear Friend

Since we were young, I have known you.

Your heart is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You don’t talk about other people. Your secrets are close to your heart. I have always been wild, mismatched, and…free.

Your spark is slowly fading. Your voice was the first I have heard in over 14 years.

Let me know if you are at crossroads in your friendship with him. After all your years with him, you finally realize how dangerous his behavior has been. Sadly, he will only give you affection if you satisfy his physical hunger. He will be cruel and mean if you don’t please him daily.

I am sorry, but I cannot make you go. This is your relationship at night.

I do want you to know something…

“First love” does not necessarily mean that you must stay.

My first and most destructive love is what I think about often. We were young and foolish. We didn’t know what we wanted or what we needed.

Many of our friends were just teens when they married their first love. Only one of our friends is now divorcing.

Giving ourselves to another person can create a bond that will keep us together. You may also lose some of the things you already fear.

It doesn’t necessarily have a happy ending, even though it is romanticized as “first love.” This is just a story that we tell ourselves to justify our existence.

There is no time to lose.

This guy was my best friend for ten years. Ten years is an extended period. I’ll be honest.

But, do you know what is more?

Twenty years. Thirty years. Forty years.

Time is a reason to stay. You don’t want to move on.

We’ll continue the conversation in ten years if you don’t leave.

You don’t have to give someone all your time.

You won’t “win” the love that you desire.

It doesn’t matter how many times you cook dinner. Make him happy and give him the freedom to do his makeup as he pleases.

It is not “earned” love. He cannot stop the flashing light in his head from going off, and he finally screams, “Yes, she is the only one, and I’ll treat them well!”

I can recall when I sent flowers to you on your birthday. You said I was the only person who gave you a gift that year. I remember how often he told me that I needed more makeup or that I should be thinner.

I want you to feel secure with someone you can trust, not take away your worries. I want you to feel comfortable in your skin and not hide it.

Only you have the power to choose to walk away.

I have tried to support your relationship over the past decade while still recalling annoying behaviors.

But I couldn’t remain silent any longer.

My dear, I will always be there for you. As long as we are alive, I won’t be leaving.

Whenever you bring up a topic, I remind you that you are entitled to more. Many of the things you’ve been told can be emotionally offensive. I will remind you that you don’t have love.

The final decision about whether or not to leave is yours.

I will be there for you in any way. All I can do is convince you that it is time to get out of your toxic situation.

Because you deserve so much more.