The most difficult experiences in our lives can help make us stronger if we decide to take lessons from these experiences.
As a young person, I was in one of the relationships that transformed my entire life.
In a relationship with a narcissistic partner, I was subjected to the abuse of nullification, abuse, gas lighting, falling blame, shame, and blame. The relationship ended up being an empty body for my previous psychotherapist and me. I was broken and confused.
For a brief moment, I felt like I was going to drown in the abyss of despair. But I didn’t.
I did end up returning. Even though the consequences were devastating, I did learn many things that helped me become the person I am today.
Here are five lessons I have learned from my narcissistic relationship.
The love affair does not take place in a single moment.
I was a child with a romantic inclination. I always recall that I believed my life would be complete when I met a “friend of the soul.”
When I saw the Narcissist, I washed my feet. My mind was filled with someone who declared they loved me in less than two weeks. He told him I could be the only one he needed.
The reality is that love can’t take place in a flash, and what you consider to be love is simply attraction.
It took a while in life for me to establish a healthy and healthy relationship. It is not based on the person who announced that they are your acquaintance right away.
I had no personal limits.
And, I don’t blame anyone physically and emotionally. The blame lies entirely with the person who is at fault.
But, I have to accept responsibility for the people I surround myself with and the actions I permit in my personal life.
For an extended time, I let very high-quality people be in my life. The friendships would be sole with those who cause me to be emotionally exhausted, and relationships will begin significantly and continue until it’s very damaging because I was unaware of the warnings.
Since I was unbound, Narcissism managed to fly through my life quickly because he was aware of his complete control over me.
You’ve been struggling with Codependency since childhood.
I learned that most of what we carry into our adult lives is a possibility to return to the time of our youth.
I was raised in a way that wasn’t supportive or invisible, leading me to become dependent on my relationships with women.
The codependency issue was not apparent since I wasn’t seeking or holding onto it. Instead, I needed others to feel loved and someone else to monitor my health, as I was not doing the same for myself.
It wasn’t until the conclusion of my relationship with my Narcissist that I recognized how detrimental Codependency could be for me in my relationships.
Some people are not able to feel compassion.
Before the narcissists’ dating, I could find kindness in people even when it appeared to be lacking.
This experience has taught me that there exists a uni-personalist group of people that aren’t tolerant.
Over time we begin how to “find good” in every person we meet. However, this stops us from recognizing that specific individuals have their own needs in their hearts and don’t care about others.
Still, you tell me that there is goodness in all of us.
I am begging for a difference because I was with one who showed no compassion or remorse for anyone else.
The only person that could provide me with the life I desired … was me.
When the Narcissist was gone, I realized I had just one choice.
I could continue to live in the shadows of others, put my needs first in my relationships, and follow the same destructive pattern.
Or, I could take a flight for self-adventure – a flight that includes the search for baggage that has been stored for years and traumas and coping with these.
I decided to opt for the second choice.
I’ll be honest that I claimed it was easy, but I do no more see the lady … and in the most positive way.
For the first time in my entire life, I can affirm that I am who I am. It is clear who I am and what I would like to be. I am aware of the kind of people and the behavior that I would like to see in my life and those things that I won’t tolerate.
And guess what?
The moment I began the trip, my life began to take an upward direction. I was able to go down the path of resentment, anger, and self-compassion. Instead, I chose to follow my way to love—abandonment and self-discovery.
Ah … another study.