The night was my friend’s brother’s wedding. I was in one of the rooms in a luxurious rental mansion and had a total anxiety attack.
After a few days of recovery and regaining my composure, I acted as if there was nothing wrong and continued to meet with friends.
After we left the event, I was angry at my boyfriend and said that if he paid more focus on me, I wouldn’t’ve had an attack of panic. My fault is with him and my behavior and feelings.
I want to declare that this was the one time I experienced a total meltdown, but it was not. My past experiences would surface at the most inconvenient times, and I’d be holding them as a crutch instead of facing them head-on. The initial year of my relationship was filled with me being…a not-perfect partner.
If my partner wasn’t honest with me and talked to me honestly, and if I didn’t alter or correct the following toxic behaviors, I’m not sure if we’d still be together today.
Make sure I have important information available to my partner.
I was close to my ex-partner in the past, but I constantly underestimated the amount we spoke about. Since the two of us have been in a relationship for many years, and we do not even reside in the same state to be considered friends, do we?
Wrong – wrong – wrong. My ex-partner began communicating frequently, and I would respond. My friend asked how often we spoke, and I finally decided to tell him the truth. He was upset because I had hidden the facts. He said that honesty was among his top factors in a relationship.
I explained to my ex-boyfriend how our correspondence was unhealthy, the relationship broke off, and I began building my relationship with my boyfriend.
Criticism of relationships from the past
I had to endure an abusive relationship, and at the time, when it was over, I thought I was beautiful.
But, I was not doing well. The past trauma began to show up, and I began to lash out at my partner without cause. I felt that my emotions were out of control and started to get worse.
When things were terrible, my boyfriend told me, “I’m no longer your boyfriend. I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but you can’t take it. I’m not like him.”
The following day, I went to a therapist and began working on my anxiety.
The relationship is not a part of the pot.
My mind thought I should be treated like a princess due to my past. Yes, I am entitled to be treated with respect – however, I let this notion serve as a reason for my inability to work or lack of motivation from my side.
I could not handle the burden of the relationship, and one day, my partner put me down.
“Hi, I love you dearly, and I want to have a long-term relationship with you. I am sure that things will never be the same, but at this point, I feel I give 90%, and you only offer 10 percent. I would like you to pour more into our relationship’s bowl.”
A relationship is a union between two individuals. If one person gives everything, he’s got while the other slouches at his feet, it will not be successful.
I began to add more of my time into the pot that is our friendship.
Any conflict caused me to be very defensive.
It’s common for relationships to have conflict, but because of my past addiction, I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
I’ll be highly defensive and silent if my friend attempts to share constructive criticism.
After another shut-down, my partner told me that because of my extreme reactions, he thought he could not speak to me in a straight manner, even in the case of some minor issue.
To ensure the ability to communicate freely, I began trying to defend myself or speak out when I felt shut off.
My relationship lasted, but…
I’ve been blessed with a compassionate, understanding, patient companion whom I now refer to as my husband with pride.
At any time within the partnership, the partner can and legitimately decide to end the relationship.
I wasn’t always my best friend. Did you realize it? We have an option. We can either continue to engage in harmful behaviors, or we can attempt to alter these behaviors.
I’ve changed. I’ve worked on myself, and five years ago, I did not even recognize the girl he was dating most perfectly.
I am so happy that he decided to take a risk.